Who Are You? A Topic for Each Week of the Year {Week 7: Parents}

Week 1: Birth
Week 2: School
Week 3: Hobbies
Week 4: Birthdays
Week 5: Childhood Home
Week 6: Grandparents

7. What were your parents like? Did you have a special relationship with either of them? Do you know anything about them when they were children?

I am incredibly close with both of my parents. I feel very blessed to have such a great relationship with my parents, both growing up and as an adult. I know that is something that many people don't get to experience, so I try to remember to be grateful for it and not take it for granted.

Jeanine Newman Brown

My mom is a very caring woman. She always wants to be involved in the lives of those close to her—her children, her grandchildren, and her friends. As the youngest child, I spent a lot of time with Mom. She worked while I was growing up, but she was generally able to find work she could do from home. I remember countless times going clothes shopping and grocery shopping and any other kind of shopping with Mom. The only kind of shopping I thoroughly loathed was fabric shopping. Mom would drag me to fabric stores and spend what felt like hours looking through the fabric and the patterns. I hated every second of it. And that is still something we joke about on a regular basis.

Mom is a crafty person. She sews, crochets, cross stitches, quilts, and makes jewelry. When I was about 10, I wanted to learn how to crochet, so Mom sat down and patiently showed me how to work the yarn into knots with the hook. I'm sure it was slow-going, but I eventually got it. She was also good at correcting me when I had done something wrong, without making me feel stupid. She would teach me that I needed to count every stitch to make sure that my edges were even (though it took me a long time to really internalize that lesson; I hated counting stitches, so my edges were often all over the place). She also taught me to read a pattern so I could make more difficult projects. I still love crocheting to this day, and that is mostly thanks to Mom. She also taught me how to counted cross stitch, which I loved for a long time. Mom was also very supportive of my random crafty interests. She would buy me yarn to make baby blankets or take me to get the right colors for a cross stitch pattern. She would also let me have a lot of her embroidery floss to make the countless friendship bracelets I was always making.

Mom was almost always the one that helped me with my schoolwork. Which wasn't a picnic, let me tell you. I had this tendency to put homework off until late in the day when I was tired and not thinking clearly. Poor Mom would sit down with me and try to help me work through the assignment while I would frequently break down in tears because I didn't think I could do it. She would also deal with last-minute projects and trips to the grocery store for poster board and markers.

When I have a question or need help with something, I always call Mom. When I was in college, I would often call her during breaks between classes to talk to her about boy problems or school stresses or whatever other issues I was having. She was always willing to talk to me and listen to me whine and complain. I still call her when I need help with things, and she's always available. She's always supported me in everything I've done. She went to all of my big performances in high school choir and drama (even the most terrible Robin Hood: The Musical), and she and my dad even came on choir tour with me (though that was probably just an excuse to go on vacation). I always knew that I could count on Mom being there when I needed her.

One memory of her always being there sticks out in my mind. I had finally ended my dysfunctional relationship with my long-term boyfriend, and it was definitely not on good terms. It was later at night, and after I got off the phone, I went upstairs to find my mom watching TV. I told her what happened and broke into tears, and she told me how happy she was that I had been strong enough to make this decision and go through with it. She helped me see how detrimental my relationship had been to my emotional health, and I left that conversation feeling hopeful about my future and feeling like I had made the best decision for my own personal well-being. But she never made me feel bad about staying in the relationship for so long; she just made me feel good about my decision to end it, which was something I desperately needed right then.

David Roy Brown

I am a daddy's girl through and through. From the time that I was super little, I've always wanted to be near my dad. I'm also a whole lot like my dad. While I look more like my mom, I am more of an introvert like my dad. He is a funny, personable guy, and it's my favorite when he gets in a goofy mood. He often gets in goofy moods when we're on vacation and he can allow himself to just completely relax. Dad is also an incredibly kind and caring man. He has been bishop in two different wards, and he fulfills that calling to its fullest.

Dad is the main reason that I am such a huge sports fan. When I was little, I would sit with Dad and watch Jazz games. For the longest time, I was afraid of being vocal about the sports, so while Dad would yell and holler at the TV, I would whisper "Yes!" when something good happened. (I definitely grew out of that. Hollering and yelling is an integral part of watching any sport now.) When I was about five, Dad took me to a preseason Jazz game. He told me over and over that if I got tired, we could go home. But I stayed awake for the whole game and paid attention to everything. The Jazz beat the 76ers, and I had so much fun. Dad was amazed. I've been going to sporting events with him ever since.

One of my best memories of Dad was my senior year of high school. I had auditioned for a major role in our school musical, and I didn't get it. I was devastated because I felt like I had nailed my audition. I came home from school very upset and shut myself in my room to cry and stew and make myself angrier. Dad came to talk to me about letting go of the anger and doing my best with the role I had been given. He was very understanding and told me about a similar experience he had had in high school (he also did theater). Having this kind of talk was usually something my mom did, so hearing it from Dad had a really big impact on me. In the end, it was probably a very good thing I didn't get the role because of a lot of other things that went on during that show, so having Dad help me through that was a big deal to me.

Dad also joined Mom in coming to all of my big high school performances. One of the most memorable productions I was in was a locally written one act that was a combination of the Anne Frank story and a Holocaust prisoner of war story, and it was very powerful. I had a fairly big role, and we performed it for free for our families and fellow students. When we came out for the curtain call, we got a standing ovation. I immediately looked for my parents, and Dad had tears streaming down his face as he applauded. I could tell in that moment that he was very proud of me and my work.

While I don't call Dad with problems nearly as much as I call Mom, he is also always there to talk. When I do call him for one thing or another, we end up talking for way longer than expected, and we always have good conversations. He's a really good listener and always makes me feel like he's truly hearing me.

I'm so very grateful for the parents I've been given. There's so much more I could write about both of them. They have both always supported me in everything I've chosen to do and have pushed me to try new things and step out of my comfort zone. They've seen my potential and tried their best to help me achieve it, and I don't think you can ask for much better in your parents.

The Problem with Self-Esteem

I have struggled with self-esteem issues my whole life. I'm always incredibly hard on myself, and I've never particularly liked my body. I always want to be skinnier, to be maybe a little bit taller, to have straighter hair, to have clearer skin (because, really, at 26, these stupid breakouts need to just end already).

And while I was single, I always seemed to have this persistent, nagging thought hovering in the back of my mind. It was a thought that I knew intellectually was ridiculous, but I couldn't keep myself from believing it a little anyway. That thought was this: "Once I get married, these self-doubts will go away. My insecurities will be gone because I'll have someone there who loves me for me."

Well, I am now married, and I have been for nearly a year. I do have someone who loves me for who I am and is always there for me. But I can now say from personal experience that that persistent little thought is a complete and utter lie. All those self-esteem issues I had before getting married still exist. And that's the problem with self-esteem; no outside force can create it, regardless of how effectively outside sources can tear it down.

Two years ago, I spent six months working diligently to lose weight. I knew I was out of shape, and I knew I wasn't as healthy as I needed to be. So I made a major commitment to myself to do better, and I succeeded. In about six months, I lost roughly 25 pounds. I only needed to lose 5 more pounds to hit my goal weight. But then I started dating Andrew, and I stopped tracking my food because we would go out to eat and get ice cream and seeing the calories rack up was depressing. And going to the gym started falling by the wayside because I just wanted to spend time with Andrew. In the roughly year and a half since Andrew and I started dating, I have gained all the weight back that I lost, and then a little bit more. I had to put my favorite pairs of jeans away because they just no longer fit. And the more I thought about how much weight I had gained, the crappier I felt about myself.

So why am I writing this post? It's not intended to be a wo-is-me post. I don't want anyone to feel bad about me or tell me how great I am. I'm writing this to remind myself that the only person who can change the way I view myself is me. Though I have let outside forces form my perceptions of myself, it's time for me to stand up for myself to . . . well, myself. I've been thinking about this post for the past week and how I wanted to go about it. I have a draft of a giant post detailing all the things that helped fuel my poor self-esteem. But then I realized that's not what I wanted to write about. I wanted to write about how I could improve myself, about how I could learn to love myself. Because someday probably sooner rather than later, I'm going to be a mom. I might have little girls who look up to me. And I don't want those little girls to learn from their mom that it's normal to hate yourself and your body. I don't want them learning that they should be fixated on the scale and how many pounds they lost that week.

I want my little girls to learn from their mom that it's okay to love themselves for who they are. I want them to look at me as an example of how to accept themselves and improve themselves without negativity. I want them to want to exercise because it's good for them and because it's healthy, not solely to fix some problem they have with their thighs or their stomach. I want them to have a real person be a good role model of beauty for them instead of being swayed by the media and the unattainable ideal we're always sold.

If I want my daughters to learn those things from me in the future, I need to start implementing some changes in my life right now. So I'm making a list of things I need to do to improve my own self-esteem, since no one else is going to do it for me.

1. Stop the negative thoughts. When I look at myself in the mirror and see something I don't like, I'm going to stop the thought in its tracks. I'm going to pause and think something positive about myself instead.
2. Continue my efforts to be more active. My goal right now is to lose some weight, but I need to make that a goal that is more about my health than it is about my appearance. I am not the healthiest I could be, so I need to make efforts in that regard. I also need to focus on how good I felt when I was so good at keeping up my goals two years ago. I felt better about myself then than I have at any other point in my life, and that is a goal worth achieving.
3. Eat healthier and watch my portion sizes. This falls into line with being more active and getting healthier in general.
4. Attend the temple more often. Andrew and I met with our stake president this week, and he talked about the temple in a way I had never heard before. He said that as we attend the temple and make it a real part of our lives, we feel better about ourselves because we begin to view ourselves through Christ's eyes. That struck me to the core, and I knew it was something I needed pretty desperately at this point in my life.

I am also hoping to have some updates on these items that I will post in the future. Now that I've written these goals down, I need to account for them in some way, and I figure this blog is as good a way as any. In fact, here's a quick update already: I started working out and tracking my food on January 1. Since then, I've lost 3.4 pounds, and I've exercised at least three times a week. This, my friends, seems like a promising start.

In doing these four simple things, I think I will be able to overcome my self-doubts. Because the truth is, I am pretty awesome. Andrew must think so, or he wouldn't have married me in the first place. I have a pretty dang amazing life right now, and I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and is involved in every part of my life. That is the most important thing to remember: I am a daughter of God. He knows me and loves me despite my many flaws, of which he knows every tiny detail. It's time for me to start loving myself, too.

Merry Christmas!

Because I'm lazy and we've already mailed out wedding invitations and thank-you cards this year, I'm skipping out on sending Christmas cards. Besides, we don't have any adorable kids, and no one wants a boring picture of just the two of us. So instead, I figured I'd post a summary of 2013 instead.

This has been quite the busy year, to say the least. The biggest event was the wedding, obviously. On February 19, I became Lindy Conelly, and I haven't regretted it for a single second. These past 10 months have been wonderful. Andrew and I have learned so much about each other, and I continue to love him more and more every day. He's amazing, and I couldn't ask for a better husband.

The other major events of 2013 include a brand-new job for me and a subsequent move to Salt Lake for the two of us. It couldn't have worked out better. Andrew was already working in Midvale, so when I got a job in Cottonwood Heights, it only made sense for us to move. The bad part was that it was my second move in five months and Andrew's third move in a year. Our families would be content if they never had to help us move ever again, I'm sure.

Andrew and I have also gone on two vacations this year, both of which were fantastic and left me with the travel bug. The first, of course, was our honeymoon to Maui. It was absolutely gorgeous and I am determined that we will go back one day, hopefully sooner rather than later. I loved every second of it. The second vacation was our spur-of-the-moment birthday trip to Orlando for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. We were only there for two days, but we had so much fun! I can't think of a better way to celebrate turning 26. I'm so glad we could go and just have a weekend of fun.

The rest of the year has been spent working, going to football games, watching movies, going to family get-togethers, and relaxing on the couch in front of the TV. I feel like most of the exciting things from this year happened the first half of the year, but we've been spending our time setting up our apartment the way we want it to be and simply figuring out how to live together. I think we've done a pretty good job of it so far. Andrew and I are both so excited about our first Christmas together as a married couple. It will be so fun to combine our family traditions and maybe add some new ones.

I would have to say that 2013 has been an amazing year. I'm not sure how 2014 could hope to beat it, but I'm excited to see it try.

Merry Christmas from the Conellys!

Christmastime Is Here

I love Christmas. And not just the holiday itself—the entire month of December. I love the decorations, the lights, and the look of the presents under the tree. I love listening to Christmas music and singing Christmas hymns at church. I love the work parties and the family parties. I love the spirit of giving and the service opportunities that pop up everywhere. Most of all, I love the Spirit of Christ that permeates so much of the season. Despite the cold temperatures, I associate warmth with the Christmas season, and I attribute that mostly to the spirit of the season.

I have to admit, though, that when I first started thinking about what Andrew and I would do for Christmas this year, I wasn't sure how much fun it would be. I thought gift giving would be a bit of a let down what with setting a budget and knowing pretty much what we were getting each other. I thought only having the two of us would minimize the magic some.

And then we spent the weekend after Thanksgiving shopping for Christmas decorations. We bought a 7.5-foot tree. We bought lots of ornaments. We bought lights. I bought yarn to make some Christmas projects. And as I put the decorations up and Andrew and I talked about our family traditions and new traditions we want to start, I realized that the spirit of the season isn't dependent on how many people you're sharing it with. It isn't dependent on how many surprises are under the tree. It's about being with people you love and remembering why we celebrate the holiday. This is Christ's season, and I get to spend it with the man I love, the man I have made an eternity-long commitment to.

So now when I get home from work and see this

And this

I get excited. We may not have the nicest decorations, or even a lot of decorations, but what we do have brings the spirit of Christmas into our home every day. I love this time of year, and I can't wait to start my own traditions with Andrew that our kids will talk about with their spouses one day.

And to conclude this post, I list five of my very most favorite Christmas songs:

1. "I Pray on Christmas" – When My Heart Finds Christmas by Harry Connick, Jr.
2. "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" – A Family Christmas by the Piano Guys
3. "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" – Home For Christmas by *NSYNC
4. "Stille Nacht" – Christmas by Mannheim Steamroller
5. "I Wonder As I Wander" – Kurt Bestor Christmas by Kurt Bestor

We Chose Each Other

I found this quote on Pinterest, and I love it. It's from The Toughest Indian in the World by Sherman Alexie. I've never read the book, but this stuck out to me.

It reminds me of the advice my mom gave me and Andrew before we got married. At my family bridal shower, my sister made these adorable wood blocks that spell out "Welcome," and she had all the guests write down some advice. My mom wrote, "Always remember that you chose each other." And I think what she means is the same thing Alexie is saying. Andrew and I chose to marry each other, but that wasn't a one-time choice. It's a choice that we have to keep making every single day. We have to choose to remain faithful and choose to live by the covenants we made.

I personally think that one reason the divorce rate is so high is that people forget the choices they made and refuse to make the effort to keep making the same choices day in and day out. Marriage is hard work. It requires effort. A neglected marriage isn't going to last; it needs to be nurtured. Couples need to remember that they chose each other. This is a choice they made and one that they need to continue making.

I'm not trying to say I'm an expert on marriage. Far from it. Andrew and I haven't even been married a year, and I know we haven't exited the honeymoon stage yet. But when the hard times come, I am going to do my best to remember that I chose him. We chose each other. And we have to continue choosing each other every day.